You speed walk in your sleep.
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”
Cocaine is a downer.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.