How Vulnerability Can Save Your Life

Written by Warren Whitfield. Posted in Articles, Books

Vulnerable

by Dr. Lissa Rankin

This week, I was blessed to be able to spend an hour on the phone with my shero and mentor Brené Brown, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Daring Greatly. We had so much giddy fun on our teleclass about the intersection of vulnerability and health, how shame is lethal, and how daring greatly and practicing mind over medicine helps you heal. (If you missed the live call, you can get the free download here).

I had a big epiphany during our call that I want to share with you, so pull our your big highlighter. Brené says the most terrifying emotion we experience as humans is joy. We’re so frightened of loss that we can’t even allow ourselves to lean into those moments when we’re standing over our children watching them sleep or when we’re falling in love and it feels like our hearts will burst. The second most of us start to feel joy, instead of relishing the blessings, we tend to get swallowed by the fear that the other shoe is about to drop.

Foreboding Joy

Brené said, “When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding.” Instead of allowing ourselves to feel the vulnerability of how much joy we feel and how much hurt we would experience if we lost what we have, we dress rehearse tragedy so we can beat vulnerability to the punch. We look at our kids with so much love and then imagine them dying. We feel such tenderness for the person we’re falling in love with that we fast forward straight to the day when we get our heart broken. If things are going well in our professional life, we imagine the day we get fired or lose all our money, power, and status. It’s like, by trying to imagine the worst case scenario, we somehow think we’re protecting ourselves from what we fear most.
But guess what? It doesn’t work. If your child dies or the love of your life abandons you or you lose your job or you declare bankruptcy—or whatever tragedy you imagine might befall you happens—no dress rehearsal will protect you from loss and pain. And in the interim, you’ve missed your chance for effervescent joy, radical presence, true bliss- and the health benefits that accompany joy.

Dress Rehearsing Tragedy

Here’s the a-ha with where Brené’s work overlaps with what I write about in Mind Over Medicine. Our nervous systems can’t tell the difference between dress rehearsing tragedy and real tragedy. As far as your amygdala is concerned, whether your child dies or whether you just imagine that your child dies, your “fight-or-flight” responses get triggered and your nervous system goes on red alert. Your stress responses flip on, your body is filled with cortisol and epinephrine, and your body reacts as if your child really did just die.
And here’s the kicker. Your body is brilliantly equipped with natural self-repair mechanisms that can kill cancer cells, fight infection and repair what breaks. But those self-repair mechanisms only operate when you’re not in “fight-or-flight.” So every time you dress rehearse tragedy, you put your body at risk of disease, disabling its ability to heal itself. Then BINGO.

It’s no wonder you’re not at the top of your health game.

Joy Is Preventive Medicine

Fully experiencing joy is essential to living a long, happy, healthy life, especially if you’re battling a chronic illness and hope to experience the kind of spontaneous remission I write about in Mind Over Medicine — and the scientific evidence clearly proves this to be true.
To determine how much joy affects longevity, researchers investigated a group of nuns who lived in the same convent. The study design was genius. Many potentially confounding variables that might influence the data were controlled because of their living situation. They ate the same food, breathed the same air, received the same medical care, shared the same lifestyles. Pretty much the only thing that differed between these nuns was their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.
When researchers investigated the lives of these nuns, they found that 90% of the most joyful nuns — those who frequently described their lives using words like “very happy” and “eager joy” — were still alive at age 84, compared to only 34% of the least joyful nuns. In fact, 54% of the most joy-filled nuns were still alive and kicking at age 94, compared to 11% of the least cheerful. In general, joyful nuns were found to live 7.5 years longer than their unhappy counterparts. Other studies show that happy people live up to 10 years longer than unhappy people. As it turns out, joy is preventive medicine, and yet we try to protect ourselves against it because it makes us feel vulnerable, and if we can’t tolerate the discomfort of the vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding.

The Prescription For Foreboding Joy

What’s the prescription? Brené says the solution is to lean into the vulnerability of those moments of joy — to feel the flutter in your belly when you’re feeling deep love or worried that the other shoe might be about to drop — and to use that flutter of fear of loss as a reminder to practice gratitude. Look at that sleeping child and feel grateful. Stare into the eyes of your beloved and count your blessings. Feel grateful for the fact that you’ve found your calling and are in full service to your mission. Acknowledge how much you have to lose, and just revel in it. Give those you love permission to break your heart, and lean into how lucky you are.
When you do, you calm the scaredy-cat amygdala in your limbic brain, you shut off “fight-or-flight,” you decrease levels of potentially poisonous cortisol and epinephrine, you flip on relaxation responses, you fill your body with healing hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, nitric oxide, and endorphins, and your body’s self-repair mechanisms can come to the rescue.

The Epiphany

Do you get it? The willingness to make yourself emotionally vulnerable to pain and loss, to lean into joy, even when it feels foreboding, to practice gratitude when you fear how much you have to lose, it isn’t just the gateway to intimacy. It doesn’t just improve your relationships, allow you to savor your blessings, and optimize your mental health. It’s preventive medicine for your body, and it just might save your life.

LisaLissa Rankin, MD is a mind-body medicine physician, founder of the Whole Health Medicine Institute training program for physicians and other health care providers, and the New York Times bestselling author of Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof You Can Heal Yourself.

She is on a grass roots mission to heal health care, while empowering you to heal yourself.  Lissa blogs at LissaRankin.com and also created two online communities – HealHealthCareNow.com and OwningPink.com. She is also the author of two other books, a professional artist, an amateur ski bum, and an avid hiker. Lissa lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband and daughter.

Warren Whitfield

Warren Whitfield is the founder and CEO of the Addiction Action Campaign. He is also the author of “Addict Nation – The epidemic of addiction in South Africa today”. He founded NADA S.A. and has his own auriculotherapy practice in Northcliff, Johannesburg. He envisioned the concept of addiction harm reduction in South Africa and birthed the Addiction Harm Reduction Compliancy Initiative. Besides treating people for many ailments, he also created and owns various other businesses which include, AffiliatePro Marketing, INeedRehab.co.za & Acudetox.co.za

The AAC

Acudetox Centre

Quit Smoking with Acupuncture

Replica Chanel, LV, Prada, IWC, Rolex For Sale

Under no circumstances may address from bags replica be compiled, collected, or used for any purpose, commercial or non-commercial, other than that for which they are intended. Nowadays, there are a great number of faithful fans of Replica Hermes in the world. Most of them are obsessed by the competitive price as well as unparalleled quality. Simple and classic Dior Replica Handbag Online enable to make you look stylish even during the most casual daysбкwearing simple blue jeans, you will be also in good look. Every Breitling Replica Watches For Sale can be regarded as a masterpiece of art. There is no other products can beat its craftsmanship and exclusivity. You can completely believe me the quality of our designer handbags! All handbags shown on our site are in good value for your enjoyment. Enjoy qualified Replica Watches today! Buy Replica Watches and enjoy their reliable quality, high grade taste and unique design. Either you are simply curious about Fake Watches or are looking to buy Replica Chanel Mini bags online; you're welcome to browse our collection of Replica watches. Enjoy the exclusive style and durability of the designer's watch buying Discount Tissot Replica! The replica watch can be the perfect accessory to compliment your style.



Kelly Clarkson shares new photo of baby Remy and his sister River on Father's Day Kelly Clarkson shared a new photo of baby son Remy on Sunday as she wished husband Brandon Blackstock a happy Father's Day. The sweet snapshot showed Brandon sitting on the sofa with his arms wrapped around their daughter River Rose and their two-month-old son Remington Alexander. 'Happy Father's Day @BBlackstock #PieceByPiece Thnx 4 being such a great dad 2 all 4 of our kiddos! #sexydaddyalert,' Kelly wrote on Twitter.pre bonded hair 'Sexy daddy alert': Kelly Clarkson shared a sweet photo of husband Brandon Blackstock with their two-year-old daughter River (L) and two-month-old son Remy in honour of Father's Day on Sunday The 34-year-old American Idol winner - who has been married to the talent manager since October 2013 - gave birth to Remy on April 12, while River celebrated her second birthday last week. Kelly is also stepmother to Brandon's two children Savannah, 14, and Seth, eight, and recently said that they won't be having any more kids.

'Oh, no, we are done,' she told KIIS FM Australia when asked if she planned to try for more children. 'Oh good Lord, yes, I can't be pregnant again. This will be our number four total, so we're good. 'Honestly, the first one was really rough, and I was like, "Oh, it can't happen again," and no it happened, like, way worse this time.' Happy family: The singer is also stepmother to Brandon's two children Savannah, 14, and Seth, eight. She is seen here with the talent manager in 2013 Kelly added: 'I just get hospitalised, and I have to get fluids. It's just, like, my body was not made to be pregnant.' Meanwhile last month, the singer joked that she 'hates' Chrissy Teigen, after seeing a picture of the model in a crop top and hotpants just three weeks after giving birth. Responding to the photo that John Legend shared on Instagram, Kelly tweeted: 'Okay, what?! She just had a baby! My train of thoughts.... #hateher #justkidding #kindofnotkidding #jealouslikeJonas.' But it was all in good fun as the pop star also invited John and his wife and daughter over for a 'play date' - providing they bring some of Chrissy's delicious cooking. Fighting back: Last year, the Stronger hit-maker responded to fat-shamers who criticised her for not bouncing back into shape right away after giving birth Last year, the Stronger hit-maker responded to fat-shamers who criticised her for not bouncing back into shape right away after giving birth. 'There are just some people who are born skinny and with a great metabolism – that is not me,' Kelly told Redbook magazine.remy hair extensions 'I wish I had a better metabolism. But someone else probably wishes they could walk into a room and make friends with everyone like I can. You always want what someone else has.' The star added: 'I don't obsess about my weight, which is probably one of the reasons why other people have such a problem with it.' Just kidding: Meanwhile Kelly joked last month that she 'hates' Chrissy Teigen for getting back her pre-baby figure so quickly after giving birth

She impressed audiences with her gorgeous legs as she flirted with Leonardo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street. And Margot Robbie’s pins were on display as she strolled around New York City in a short black slip dress paired with a long pink Kimono, on Wednesday. The 26-year-old showed why she is tipped to be the next Bond girl, showing off her slender physique in the eye-catching number from Spell & The Gypsy Collective. Scroll down for video Stepping out: Margot Robbie’s trim pins were on display as she wafted around New York City in a short black slip dress paired with a long pink Kimono on Wednesday The oriental-inspired garment featured broderie anglaise in elaborate flower patterns on the sleeves, shoulders and back, and flowed behind her as she strolled around downtown NYC. Leaving a Tribeca hotel, the Australian actress smiled behind oversized round metallic sunglasses with her blonde locks tied back in a bun.perruques cheveux naturels The Hollywood starlet’s complexion was characteristically flawless all over, but years in the Northern Hemisphere appeared to have erased her Australian tan. All smiles: Leaving a Tribeca hotel, the Australian actress smiled behind oversized round metallic sunglasses with her blonde locks tied back in a bun High fashion: The 26-year-old showed why she is tipped to be the next Bond girl, showing off her slender physique in the eye-catching number from Spell & The Gypsy Collective Good taste: The oriental-inspired garment featured broderie anglaise in elaborate flower patterns on the sleeves, shoulders and back, and flowed behind her as she strolled around downtown NYC She enhanced her look with natural-look makeup and subtle pink lipstick and carried a small black leather handbag to run her errands.

Margot had been at a fitting for the upcoming NYC premiere of her new film Suicide Squad on Monday night. Tinseltown is abuzz with rumours that the blonde beauty will appear in the next James Bond film as a Bond girl, following a long line of glamorous actresses. Flawles: The Hollywood starlet’s complexion was characteristically flawless all over, but years in the Northern Hemisphere appeared to have erased her Australian tan Going natural: She enhanced her look with natural-look makeup and subtle pink lipstick and carried a small black leather handbag to run her errands Looking her best: Margot had been at a fitting for the upcoming NYC premiere of her new film Suicide Squad on Monday night Online polls have revealed the 26-year-old stunner is at the strongest odds to fill the role, sitting at 12/1, while Emily Blunt sits at 16/1, according to Paddy Power. Others sitting at promising odds to star as the much-desired female character are American model and actress Emily Ratajkowski, who sits at 22/1, with Brit Emma Watson further down the line at 40/1. The Gold Coast girl found her big break in 2013 opposite Leonardo DiCaprio in Martin Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street as the feisty and seductive, Naomi. Plenty to smile about: Tinseltown is abuzz with rumours that the blonde beauty will appear in the next James Bond film as a Bond girl, following a long line of glamorous actresses Adoring fans: Margot caused a stir with passersby as she stepped out in NYC Well made: The beautiful garment had an elaborate rose pattern on its back More recently, she starred alongside Alexander Skarsgård in The Legend Of Tarzan as Jane.perruques cheveux As well as the blockbuster, Margot has various other projects in the pipeline, including Suicide Squad, in which she plays Harley Quinn. Other females who have starred as the prestigious Bond girl include talented beauties Halle Berry, Rosamund Pike and Eva Green. Next big thing: Online polls have revealed the 26-year-old stunner is at the strongest odds to fill the Bond role, sitting at 12/1, while Emily Blunt sits at 16/1, according to Paddy Power . In demand actress: As well as the blockbuster, Margot has various other projects in the pipeline, including Suicide Squad, in which she plays Harley Quinn Following in footsteps: Other females who have starred as the prestigious Bond girl include talented beauties Halle Berry, Rosamund Pike and Eva Green Although the buzz around who will land the role of Bond girl is growing, the film is not expected to be released until at least 2018. Producer Barbara Broccoli has two other projects firmly underway and is said to be keen to tempt Daniel Craig into reprising his role as the titular character for the fifth time. Holding her own: Her breakout role was as DiCaprio's feisty wife, Naomi, on Wolf of Wall Street, which her portrayal earned her international acclaim - and showed off her gorgeous legs to the world

Next week will see the conclusion of the 12th season of The Bachelorette, as Joelle 'JoJo' Fletcher gets engaged to either Jordan Rodgers or Robby Hayes. And according to a new report, there's set to be a dramatic break-up ahead of the romantic proposal.lace front wigs Us Weekly claims that JoJo comes to the difficult decision of choosing between the two suitors after one of them makes a big mistake with her parents Joseph and Soraya. Family matters: Joelle 'JoJo' Fletcher apparently picks her fiance in next week's Bachelorette finale after one of the men makes a big mistake with her parents Who will it be?: Jordan Rodgers (L) and Robby Hayes are the two men left in the competition, and one of them allegedly gets sent packing after failing to ask JoJo's parents for her hand in marriage The runner-up gets dumped after failing to ask the 25-year-old's parents' for her hand in marriage, and during the emotional rejection, JoJo confesses that she wanted things to turn out differently. 'JoJo was sobbing,' a source told Us Weekly. 'She told him, “I wanted it to be you.”' The insider added: 'It was important to JoJo that the guys get her parents’ permission before proposing. JoJo viewed it as disrespectful that he didn’t.' Us Weekly claims that JoJo's family liked both of the finalists, but thought that the man she eventually picks was better suited to her. Favourite from the start: Jordan received the First Impression Rose and his relationship with JoJo has gone from strength to strength ever since

Not true: The 27-year-old former quarterback has denied that he cheated on his last girlfriend 'Everyone thought he was husband material,' a source said. 'Later, they told JoJo that they liked the other man too, but they thought the second would be more loyal and a better fit.' And speaking about the family's meeting with the runner-up, the insider revealed: 'After he left, Soraya said she thought he was a player.' It seems that JoJo did make the right decision however, as she is apparently still very happily engaged to the winner. She likes what she sees: JoJo has also fallen in love with former competitive swimmer Robby, 27 Denying the rumours: Robby has refuted claims that he dumped his girlfriend to appear on the show Former quarterback Jordan, 27, has been a favourite to win the show from night one, when JoJo presented him with the First Impression Rose. Show secrets: Us Weekly revealed details of the dramatic finale And while on Monday's episode of the show he was seen telling the real estate developer that asking her father's permission to propose would be very important to him, a clip for the finale showed JoJo asking if he is ready to get down on one knee. Both of the finalists have faced rumours about past relationships, with Jordan's ex Brittany Farrar claiming that they broke up because she cheated on him. He denied this to JoJo on the show. The footballer is estranged from his famous NFL star brother Aaron, whose girlfriend Olivia Munn is close pals with Jordan's ex-girlfriend. Aaron finally addressed his younger brother speaking about their fraught relationship on the show during an interview with WISN on Tuesday. 'As far as those kinds of things go, I've always found that it's a little inappropriate to talk publicly about some family matters, so I'm not going to speak on those things,' he said. 'But I wish him well in the competition.' Meanwhile a friend of Robby's ex-girlfriend Hope Higginbotham has claimed that he dumped her in order to go on The Bachelorette, something which he denied during last week's hometown dates. The Bachelorette finale followed by the After The Final Rose special will air on ABC on Monday.cosplay wigs She made the right choice: JoJo is apparently still happily engaged to the winner, who popped the question in May. The finale airs on ABC on Monday